Day 72

Technically, it's not my 72nd day in Korea, but this blog is more about the experience rather than day-to-day summary.

I can't believe that on Wednesday, I was on a plane going back to San Francisco and today, I flew back to Seoul. I feel like each week that goes by, it gets harder and harder. Life is throwing me so many different challenges, most of which I probably would have never had to deal with had I not come to Korea. Life would've been so much easier in Irvine. I wouldn't have to deal with as much as I have here. But that's why I came in the first place. The experience has always been more important to me than the actual studying.

The last two months, particularly the last 3 weeks, have been really hard on me. Whether I'm drunk, shopping for clothes, clubbing, dealing with a variety of friends, on top of a giant roller coaster, or putting my grandfather to rest, I can say is that I've learned a lot since I've started my journey.

There are times when I've felt stuck. Like I couldn't do my own thing without feeling like others were going to judge me. For a while, I didn't feel like I was getting the experience that I wanted from studying abroad in Korea. Often, it seemed like I was trapped in a box. I wanted to leave the box many times, but I never felt completely comfortable doing so. Slowly, I took it upon myself that I had to get out and I did. Some people weren't happy with that, but I couldn't make everyone happy without making myself happy first. I've always said that if I want to be happy, I have to take it into my own hands and deal with it. And stepping outside of that box made me realize that if I'm not happy, I have to do something about it.

On the other hand there are some things that just happen, some things that I can't control. And as much as I wish things were different, the only thing I can do is look forward and grow. My grandfather is gone, and it wasn't fair. But all I can do it look at his life and all that he has done for me and my family and apply that to my own life. Everything he did was for his family. He loved us all and supported everyone, regardless of their decisions in life. He always took care of us, even when he couldn't physically stand up. Everytime my dad leaves on some trip, he always says "take care of mom." And everytime, I always take it to heart. No matter how old I get, I always will take care of her. Just like she did for my grandfather when he got sick.

Wherever he is now, I'm sure he feels free again. All I imagine him doing is throwing junk into a trash bag and practicing his ballroom dancing on the kitchen floor at Jackson St. And once he finishes, he's in the Buick, sitting me on his lap and teaching me how to drive while we wait for my grandmother to finish shopping. He'll never leave me and that's all that matters.